I am grateful for Jess. If you read here regularly at all, you will already know most of the reasons why, but if you don’t, you can read about her here and here. Today, I’m grateful for her because she always seems to know just what I need when I need it (even when she doesn’t necessarily know that she knows).
Yesterday, like I seem to do most days, I stood in front of Hudson’s picture and cried and told her that I really hope that she can hear me and that she knows how much I love and miss her. Later in the day, I received a package in the mail from Jessica that included two wind-up toys (a turtle and a penguin) and a beautiful children’s book. Her note said that before Hudson died, her plan had been to send Hudson a different book every year for Christmas, and that this year, she almost sent the book to Hudson’s library collection, but decided that Ed and the Penguin and I needed it more.
The book is Wherever You Are, My Love Will Find You by Nancy Tillman. I was crying by the third page. I’m tempted to reproduce the words in their entirety here, but will leave it for you to enjoy with your children if you’d like. But I will include the few verses that touched me most deeply (and I hope that Ms. Tillman will forgive me for doing so).
And if someday you’re lonely,
or someday you’re sad,
or you strike out at baseball,
or think you’ve been bad…
just lift up your face, feel the wind in your hair.
That’s me, my sweet baby, my love is right there.
In the green of the grass…in the smell of the sea…
in the clouds floating by…at top of a tree…
in the sound crickets make at the end of the day…
“You are loved. You are loved. You are loved,” they all say.
You are my angel, my darling, my star…
and my love will find you, wherever you are.
It took me a whole day to realize that these words speak to me not only because I send them out to my sweet Hudson every day, but also because I want so much to believe that she is sending them back to me.
Thank you, my dear friend. I am so lucky to have you.