Six Months: Remembering

Six months. Half a year. More than one-third of the time Hudson was with us on the earth. I have no idea how we got here, but here we are. Despite the inexplicable additional sadness of this particular anniversary, I still love to and need to remember my girl. 

As I’ve mentioned before, last fall was the point in Hudson’s life at which she really started interacting, learning by leaps and bounds, engaging in independent play. November was the first month we had our new digital SLR camera, so we took lots and lots of pictures. I am so grateful that we did—these photos really capture Hudson’s big, bright spirit. It was a spirit she already possessed but was just really beginning to grow into and show off. It was an enchanting time to be her parents, and I’m just so glad that we caught so much of it on camera. I realized yesterday that I never had time to post our November photo album on Facebook last year, so many of these photos will be ones that no one has really seen except for Ed and me.  I also realized that in 6 more months, I will have exhausted all the photos there are to share of the final year of Hudson’s life. Oh, my.

On a warm day in the early part of November, we took Hudson to the National Zoo.  Hudson had been once before, but she was really too little to enjoy it.  Not this time.  You can see in the second picture that she was too busy looking at the elephants to pose for a picture.  She loved it so much, we joined the Friends of the National Zoo that day.  I just got our membership renewal papers in the mail yesterday.  Who would think that something so ordinary as that could be so very sad?

These pictures are from what became typical playtime at home with Hudson.  Trying on her Halloween costume again (we had not yet put it away).  Climbing in and out of the rocking chair, saying “Rocky-rock.”  Getting in and out of the Bumbo seat, which she was too big for, but which we used to hold her still in the bathtub while we rinsed the soap off of her.

And of course, always a favorite pastime, hanging out at the front door watching the world go by.

I remember the moments of these next pictures like they happened yesterday.  I had run downstairs to get something and put Hudson in her crib for safekeeping, not realizing that she was tall enough to reach up and grab the box of tissue sitting on top of the bookcase next to her crib.  When I got back upstairs, this is what I found.  I immediately went back downstairs for the camera. 

By this time, she had become an excellent eater-- mealtime became one of our favorite times of day.

For Thanksgiving, Hudson’s school sent home a turkey for us to decorate as a family. I thought this was a pretty good time to try finger painting for the first time. I think Hudson did, too.

In mid-November, we took a trip down to NC to celebrate Thanksgiving with our law school friends, who have had an annual get-together ever since our first year of law school. Look at that grin. 

And these were our first attempts at taking her 11-month photo.  Sometimes, she just could not be bothered to sit still for it, as was the case on this day.  Her sock was way more interesting than we were.  Again, the grin.

As I look at these photos, I am again struck by how impossible it seems that this sweet soul, this precious face, this mischievous smile, this amazing creature is not here anymore. I just can’t comprehend that—to me, she practically jumps out of these photos. How can a child so alive not be?

I miss you so much, my sweet, sweet Hudson.  I’ll never stop missing you or wishing you were here.