I can’t write today. You can probably tell it’s been a difficult several days. I bailed on work today for the first time since I started. Last night, just before I went to bed, I started looking through our pictures from last November to find a new one for my computer desktop. As you will see soon, Hudson was really starting to become a little person in ways she hadn’t before—her playfulness, her bright spirit, her loving nature—these all became increasingly more evident in November. I started to sob and could not stop for a long while, just overwhelmed once again by the enormity of what we have lost, what Hudson lost. I slept fitfully and got up insanely early to work a Democratic voter protection hotline. It kept me busy and focused—and kept my mind off the deep sorrow of the last several days. Afterwards, I’d planned to go to work, but by the time I got back to the house to walk over to the office, I was sobbing again. I knew I’d never make it the whole day in the office. So I called in sick. I know it was the right decision, but it still feels bad. I spent the rest of the day zoned out in front of the TV, trying to keep the pain at bay.
So even though I have a lot to say, I’ve handled about all I can handle for right now. Hopefully I’ll be back to work, and to writing, tomorrow.