I am grateful to my dear, sweet, incredible child for a gift that no one else could have given me. All my life, I have suffered from a dearth of confidence—despite my achievements, my good values, the high quality of my friends, and all other objective evidence that I’m a pretty good person living a pretty good life, I have lived most of my life just waiting for everyone to uncover the “real” me and see that I’m just a fraud and not nearly the person everyone seems to think I am.
Until I became Hudson’s mother. So many people have told me again and again over the past six months that I am an amazing mother. Unlike so many times before when people have said similar things about my academics or my work or other parts of my life, this time, I believe them. As I’ve written before, becoming Hudson’s mother brought more meaning to my life than anything I’d ever experienced. But just as importantly, it allowed me, finally, to see myself as others saw me, to actually have confidence in who I was and what I was doing as Hudson’s mom. Of all the things I have ever done and all the things I have ever been, I feel certain that I was really, really good at being Hudson’s mom. I feel certain that I was a pretty great mom, actually. As I’ve also said before, I have very few regrets over things done or left undone in Hudson’s life, and the few that I have are about trivial matters. I have no regrets about the big things. I am so grateful to my girl for giving me such an amazing gift when she was born. In all the dark days that still remain, particularly the ones where I fear I may often question my judgment as a mother, I will try to remember this gift Hudson gave me and remember that I did pretty okay the first time around.
Thank you, my girl. Mommy loves you so much.