Monday, January 23, 2012

Déjà Vu

Jackson has RSV. He started coughing over the weekend. No fever. He seemed to feel fine. It was just the cough. At first, I couldn’t even tell if it was a different cough from his regular attention-getting cough. Then it got wetter. Then it got more frequent. Then it sounded like it had moved down his chest some. Then he woke up this morning with a runny nose and low-grade fever, but he still seemed mostly in good spirits. Concerned about the RSV going around at day care, I called the pediatrician and she told me to bring him in. He gave her a good demonstration cough in the office and she said it sounded like he did indeed have RSV. She listened to his lungs and heard a little wheeze. His oxygen saturation was 96—not low, but they like for it to be 97 or higher. She gave him a nebulizer treatment in the office, which made the wheeze sound much better and got his O2 up to 97. She sent us home with a nebulizer and some albuterol. (This seemed like the big guns to me—Hudson had a similar crud a few different times, sounding much worse than Jackson, and they never gave us a nebulizer, only an inhaler and a spacer, with a little duck mask to put over her face. But I imagine this doctor, and maybe every doctor, will probably always be a little bit more aggressive when it comes to Jackson). The doctor said the RSV could get worse before it gets better.

I had been posting on Facebook about his symptoms since they started getting worse yesterday. As I waited for his albuterol prescription to be filled, I posted again: “Well, my little pumpkin does have RSV,” along with some more details.

And then it hit me. How horrifically familiar it all was. A child who seemed generally well except for some nagging symptoms that are pretty normal for a kid that age and not all that worrisome. A series of Facebook posts about progressively worsening symptoms and a trip to the ER, with a corresponding string of good wishes. And finally this at 10:24PM on May 10:

Hey, all- Well, Hudson definitely has bacterial meningitis. We’re settled in the PICU at Children’s for the night. We’re obviously frightened but hoping the antibiotics will do their thing quickly. Thanks for all the messages, thoughts, and prayers. Keep them coming. Love to everyone.

How almost nonchalant it sounded. How little we knew about what a terrifying illness bacterial meningitis was. How little we understood how very frightened we should be. How much I believed Hudson would be just fine. 

Well, Hudson definitely has bacterial meningitis.

Well, my little pumpkin does have RSV. 


I know that RSV is not meningitis. I know this. I know that in fact, it is so common that virtually every child gets it once before age two or three. Most kids only get a cold from it. Strep pneumo bacteria are that common, too, living in the nose and throats of just about everyone everyday. Most kids only get a cold from it.  But I also know that RSV can get very, very bad. It’s rare for it to get that bad, of course, but so is an all-out, incredibly aggressive and ultimately fatal invasion of strep pneumo into the cerebrospinal fluid.

Apparently, I didn’t get Jackson out of day care soon enough. Another decision made just late enough to matter. All I’ve been able to think since we got home from the doctor is this:

If this child gets worse, I just don’t know what I’ll do.

15 comments:

  1. Hoping for a speedy recovery, for Jackson's sake and yours Mandy. Thinking of you ...Lareena

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  2. I know how your heart must be racing right now Mandy, and I am so sorry Jackson is sick. My best advice is that which you already know. Follow your instinct as he gets through this... I know you can do it and I know you are making all the right decisions. Sending so much love, light and healing to little Jackson.

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  3. My heart and prayers go out to you, for I know you will suffer even if Jackson doesn't.

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  4. Been in your shoes. My born "after" child had repeated infections involving high fevers. Once you lose a child to an infection, your "everything will be fine" button is broken. You're in my prayers, Mandy, as is Jackson.

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  5. Much, much love. You've been on my mind and in my heart since first reading about RSV at preschool. Joining all who wish we could do something... something beyond lifting you and Ed and Jackson and Hudson in love and Light at this moment.
    Rachel C.

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  6. Mandy you have been on my mind so much reading your facebook updates. It must be terrifying. Reuben had his first hospital admission just before Christmas and I just went into shutdown about the whole thing. I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with the hospital.

    I was mortally afraid of RSV mainly because in a ex-extremely premature child like Jessica, it is that much more likely to cause complications. I know that no amount of reassurance helps but it is rare for it to become serious. I hope that Jackson will feel better soon. Please don't feel that you made the decision too late, as one who tried everything to keep RSV away from a baby including spending a whole winter in pretty much social isolation and washing my hair in surgical scrub (yup, I did go a bit mad there!) it is nigh on impossible to stop it. Jess still got the occasional RSV and, even with her puny lungs, she made it through. Hoping that Jackson feels better soon, so very much xoxo

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  7. I can't even imagine the fear. I really hope that Jackson is back to his smiley, happy self very soon.

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  8. Your worries must be overwhelming. We've never met but I'll be thinking of you often as you Jackson recovers. It is so difficult when you try to use knowledge and facts to rationalize away the fear in your heart.
    Hope that you can reach out to family and friends to help you through this.

    -Liz W.

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  9. Just seeing this post now, and very much hoping Jackson is on the mend. I am praying for him, and for your peace.

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  10. Have you three in my prayers too Mandy, such a scary thing for you to go through, poor little Jackson. I hope he's feeling better(and you too). Sending lots of love to you all, Kell

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  11. Oh, Mandy. I am so sorry. You are right in that RSV is normally a regular childhood illness and kids usually bounce right back, but given your experience, you have every right to be nervous.

    If it makes you feel any better, when my younger son was about 20 or 21 months old, he had something respiratory and he also received a nebulizer treatment in the office and we were sent home with the goodies you describe.

    I hope by now Jackson has bounced back.

    {{HUGS}} to you.

    Kris

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  12. Thinking of you and Jackson and hoping that this resolves quickly.

    Meg/geezlouise

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  13. I came back to see if you've updated. I hope Jackson is feeling better and back to his smiley, happy self.

    Kris

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  14. I'm just checking in too...Mandy I hope Jackson's feeling better. Take care, Kell

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