Saturday, June 25, 2011

Squeeze Tight

Sometimes she is so close it hurts.

Today, I put Jackson up on my left shoulder to burp him. I wrapped his left arm around my neck as if he were hugging me. I do this often because I love the way it feels.

And in a second, it was as if she were right there. As if I could feel her weight on me, her warm little arm wrapped around my neck in a hug. As if I could whisper in her ear like I always did, “Squeeze tight!” As if she could squeeze her little arms together to hug me tighter.

The next second, I was in tears.  And I had to squeeze little Jackson tight and let them flow. 

So close it hurts. And yet so very far away.


  1. Cherish and accept those moments when she is near. Open up and let it happen. You are so very needed and cherished. Open up and let it happen through you, to the benefit of all who have shared your grief and to the benefit of your family and friends. I cannot say how many hearts have been broken in empathy for your loss. I know my heart was broken when Hudson died. Please don't miss the joy. Please do what you always do and do it better than anyone ever. Peace...

  2. Let those tears flow Mandy.. there is no stopping your love, your longing, or your pain. I am so sorry that moments like this are so tempered with a bittersweet glow. I am thinking of you often... Love and light always...

  3. I'm so sorry Mandy...I wish I had something other than that to say but I am at a loss for words. I just can't imagine.. :(

  4. Oh, Mandy. There's that intermingled joy and pain again. I'm so sorry for the pain.

  5. I'm sorry you have to feel the pain and hurt of missing her so much.

  6. Aw, Mandy, of course it hurts. I'm so sorry, dear Mandy, I wish I could fix it for you.