Sunday, June 6, 2010
Jess and I just had a long talk about the possibility of an afterlife. I told her how I wish so badly that I did believe in that—I don’t rule out the possibility, but I don’t really rule it in, either, at least not right now. But I want to. Not only do I want to believe that I will see Hudson again, and that my mom and Jess’s mom are loving her and taking care of her and having fun with her, but I really want to believe that she sees us now, that she is looking “down” on us from wherever she is, smiling, checking in, letting us know that she is okay and loves us. I’ve gotten this feeling a few times, but the one I remember most is when we were sitting out on the deck at Ocracoke a week ago. It was just past sunset, and the sky was dark blue, but not dark. It was still light enough that in the whole sky, I could see only one star, and it was shining so brightly. I just felt her with me right then. She was just there. I guess I can feel that even if I don’t know what I believe about “heaven” or whatever else may follow this life. It certainly feels good to have her with me.