Friday, August 19, 2011

So Glad I’m Here



I have been thinking about this photo of me ever since Ed took it back in June when Jackson was about a month old. Unlike the photos of me before Hudson died or the ones Ed took of me when we were in Paris in December, I recognize this woman. I understand her. It took me a long time to figure out just what it is that I see in her face that is so familiar. And then it came to me.

This woman is grateful. She is grateful to be here. She has survived the deepest sorrow there is and is still standing. Grief is now her constant companion. Her hair is infinitely grayer than it was a year ago. Her smile is knowing, knowing in a way that most don’t know and hopefully never will. Her eyes still shine, but they reflect a different light than they ever did before.

But she is here. She is smiling. Her eyes are shining. For while grief is her constant companion, so are love, joy, and hope. She has the love of an exceptional man. She has two beautiful children, each one a gift she did nothing to deserve. And she has a future full of hope.

I recognize this woman, finally, as myself. Somehow, I made it here. I am a lucky, lucky girl.

And I’m so glad I’m here.




“So Glad I’m Here” ~ Elizabeth Mitchell



23 comments:

  1. This is a beautiful video, Mandy. Thank you.

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  2. That is so beautiful.

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  3. joining the chorus of others who are so glad you're here. hugs.
    rachel c.

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  4. What a great spirit you are!

    J.F./Singapore

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  5. Beautiful video. Beautiful words. (And I've said it before, but it can't be said enough...) Beautiful, beautiful children.

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  6. Wow oh wow oh wow. This is just so amazingly profound. Having never met you, I can only agree that there is a clear difference in the pictures of you from "before" and then "after." But this picture, the one at the top of this post, this is the face of one of the strongest women I have ever had the privilege to encounter. So glad you're here.

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  7. I've been following your blog for about a year now and your posts never cease to amaze me - thank you, Mandy! Today I'm 31 weeks with our first pregnancy - twins, to be exact. I was feeling a little blah today and this post conveys such a message of comfort...I wish you continued peace...

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  8. You have such a beautiful spirit, Mandy. You and Hudson have crossed my mind many times in the last few weeks. Nora is nearing the age when you lost Hudson. I never take a moment for granted and each day I thank the universe that she is happy and here. Today has been deemed the Day of Hope in the baby loss world. I am very thankful that hope continues to pull you through your great loss.

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  9. You are beautiful. I see some contentment in your face. You do not look like you were run over. You look as if life is good.

    IT's there. You are there. More days will be like this and that's OK.

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  10. This is inspiring. I loved watching it. Thank you for sharing.

    No woman has ever looked as beautiful and full of love as you do when you are holding one of your kiddos. What joy!

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  11. I'm glad you're here, too, even though I have never met you.

    What a beautiful video. The joy that is present when you are with your children is so obvious, so palpable.

    Kris

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  12. Yes, you ARE still standing...and you are standing tall! Thank you for being such an inspiration to others.

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  13. What a wonderful post! Thank you for sharing! We are all so glad that you are here as well. You are inspirational.
    Hugs,
    Jamie

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  14. Great song, great video! Thanks for putting it together and sharing!! We're all so glad you're so glad to be here!!

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  15. Wonderful song and video. But I just love that first photograph. It is so beautiful and that smile . . that smile is very wise. Thinking of you and both your beautiful children, Hudson and Jackson xo

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  16. I'm so glad you are here too. You are one of a handful of women who have taught me so much about this life.. and I have never even met you to shake your had or give you a hug of thanks.
    Sending that hug to you through time and space my friend...

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  17. So wonderful to see that smile.

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  18. Mandy, this post is incredible. It gave me such hope in the midst of my own sadness and the knot of grief. Thank You! Renee P.

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  19. Your resilience and fight are so beautiful, Mandy. I'm one of the many people you don't know who is following your blog and rooting for you.

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  20. Your picture made me smile, Mandy. So glad you are here. You continue to be an inspiration to so many of of us. Love you.

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  21. Oh, Mandy, this post is so beautiful. Ed and your children are so lucky to have you...as lucky as you are to have them. Many loving, peaceful thoughts coming your way.
    Claire

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